Thoughts that give me the creeps.

Its ages since i posted , too busy with new blogshop. I am fucking gonna make tons of money .

But sometimes , a midst of all this busy days , i am stuck on one thing in the end . A thought , a secret, a hidden feeling.

You will never know this fuck up feeling.

And you know , that what you want so badly would never happen and cause thousand odds and reasons are against you.

For fuck’s sake. It wasn’t minutes, days, months but years. Three years. I’ve spent the last three years trying to forget. But I couldn’t, I didn’t want to because if you drift further into my past, my memory of you fractures and splinters until all I can clearly remember is not even a picture but a feeling. Forgive me for weeping but I can’t keep the sadness in anymore, I’ve lost all composure. So, if it isn’t too late to say all these things, would you believe me if I said I was sorry, for taking you for granted? The question wasn’t meant to hurt, it was just me having been too blind to see the wreckage left behind me of everything that I’ve single-handedly destroyed. It’s like, I am Midas in reverse. Everything I touch, I ruin. Maybe I’m confused as to whether I’m over you, or not. Maybe I just miss you, from time to time, and I still wonder if our time came too soon. I’m contented with my Life but my feelings tend to contradict and sometimes, I allow my tendency to overwrite the fact that it’s been hard but I’m strong. Most of the times, I’m smiling and laughing instead of thinking about you. But at the strangest moments, for no reason at all, my thoughts travels back to you, the feelings and memories we had. The hello, the journey and the goodbye. Yes, it might not have been the best example of a proper relationship but the months we spent together were beautiful. Exquisite.

Seeing me in a vulnerable state is rare , as i hold up a strong front . But this is truly the softer side of me .

Sometimes i am so afraid , but i will choose to put up a strong front .

putting my faith in no one but myself , and gamble on it .

Sometimes i am vulnerable too.